eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just forgot I was standing up.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
