i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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