I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
