He had one of those small greek statue penises
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
