My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we made out on top of his cat.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
