I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
