I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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