we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
