there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize
