At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
