Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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