I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
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