im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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