honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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