ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
