she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
