haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
