I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
