so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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