If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
