I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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