Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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