Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
