dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
