yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
