I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm passing your future prison.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
