Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
