OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
