Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
