this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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