How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
