I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
