Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
