i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
