so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I had to cum in my sink.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
