You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
