Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
