who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
