Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
