Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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