Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
