My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
