Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
