You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
