it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
