omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
