I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
