She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
