I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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