I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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