Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
