Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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